Playing Footsy with the Ocean

On the way to the beach this morning, I saw a lizard. It was the smallest lizard I'd ever seen. Don't get me wrong, it's rare that I happen to see a lizard. He was so cute and I wanted to chase him. Lizard Buddy made it clear that he was not having any of my notion of play. I was so surprised and pleased with his presence. I'm going to take that feeling with me to the California Bar. I will. I'll open the exam packet and remember my cute little Lizard Buddy.

Then, I went running on the beach. It seemed like I picked the perfect place to run. You know where the sand is firm from "some" exposure to water. Earlier my car indicated the outside tempature was 80 degrees and for 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning the cool ocean breeze felt perfect. Either I started running crooked, or the waves decided to play footsy with me.

Suddenly the ocean lapped over my feet, then ankles, next calves, and once across my knees. That perfect patch of firm sand shrank. My short little legs slowed at the thought of running on dry loose sand. Those waves, those waves rolled passed me and I struggled to maintain my balance. Sometimes it felt like I was running in place, so I lifted my knees higher and laughed. Laughing did wonders for my balance.

Link to Laughter, like drugs, tickles brain’s reward center: What happens in your brain when you find something funny?

Link to Laughter Maybe the Best Medicine

Salad Bar Exam

So, recently I remembered that I have already passed 2 bar exams (I have a 100% bar passage rate). (Dear G*d, why have I taken so many bar exams?) The bar exam is 75-90% mental gruel. I believe I'll pass. I also believe that my having a good day will not be dependent on me pass*ng or fa*ling the California Bar Exam (results are out on November 17th - birthday of an old, old, old, old friend). I will just do like Mariah and shake it off -- either way.

Will I go on a limb and even say, I would be surprised if I didn't pass? I think I will.

For the record, I believe in the tooth fairy and that I can fly. I also believe in channeling the energy of the Dalai Lama and bugs bunny during sticky situations. I went skydiving, for example, took the second step off the wing of the airplane and thought, "bugs bunny was wrong the first step isn't a doozy." I had planned on saying hi mom or geronimo, but ...

Pour Me, Pour Me Another Glass of ...

The issue is whether I ruined by life by failing to go outside this week. The California Bar is next week, Tuesday through Thursday, and I convinced myself that I should spend most of my time indoors studying. I exercised indoors. I also day dreamt a lot this week indoors. Today, I drove my car for the first time in about five or seven days. It was a dizzying experience. The lights blinded me and the lines separating the lanes dashed all over the place. I came home and did some more multistate questions.

I'm so excited that the bar exam will be next week. So excited.

Bar Related Souvenirs


18 hours of Bar Exam (Lunch after first 3 hours on each day):

Day 1 - Tuesday
3 essays in 3 hours
1 Performance Test in 3 hours

Day 2 - Wednesday
200 Multistate Questions in 6 hours

Day 3 - Thursday
3 essays in 3 hours
1 performance test in 3 hours

***************************** They say we'll be done by 5 pm each day. *********** We have to be in our respective seats and ready to rock 'n roll by 8:40 a.m. ******************

Thursday night: it'll be over (my mom wants me to watch all the stuff I dvr'ed, um, okay)
Friday: dancing on a table at some bar (old friends I haven't seen since high school and around the way)
Saturday: ??? (new friend)
Sunday: Brunch and dancing on the beach (old friend I haven't seen since well last month)
Tuesday: DC (old friends I haven't seen since law school)

This Posting May Make You Skinnier

Courtesy a la Marie S. (no stealing)

Should the first thing be common sense or is that assumed or assuming too much

I remember when I was in kindergarden my teacher, Ms. Snow, would ask us to put our thinking caps on our head. There was a whole ritual of taking it out of your pocket, unfold it, put it on, snap the chin strap -- then unsnap the chin strap, take it off, put it in your pocket, and when you get home, she reminded us, don't forget to put your thinking cap under your pillow. It was my religion.

Until one day, I forgot to take my thinking cap from under my pillow and put it in my pocket. I got to school, realized my grave mistake, and freaked out. Could other people tell? I tried maintaining my composure until I got answers. May be I left my thinking cap in my desk. I shuffled the papers around and found nothing but papers -- no thinking cap. Would I get into trouble? Did Ms. Snow have a spare thinking cap? This had never happened before, so, I raised my hand. By this point, my breathing had gotten labored and it caused my whole body to oscillate. Finally, Ms. Snow looked in my direction and said, "yes." "I forgot my thinking cap under my pillow," I cried. Unable to hold back my shame and the tears flowed. "Me too," admitted another student and another and another.


Acceptable materials to have at the California Bar:

1.The examination materials distributed
2. Pencils or pens
3. Silent analog watches, timers and
clocks not measuring larger than
4"X4" inches or smaller
4. Rulers
5. Paper clips
6. Highlighters
7. Back Support
8. Up to two pillows without cases
9. One book stand
10. One foot rest
11. Splints
12. Braces
13. Inhalers
14. Crutches
15. W heelchairs
16. Casts
17. Hearing aids
18. TENS Units
19. Eyeglasses
20. Ear plugs or plastic material normally
associated with the sport of swimming
21. Feminine hygiene items
22. Medicine
23. Wallets

Operation "The Bar": I'm Sitting for the California Bar Exam, Really

Agggghghfuckghhghghghghghghgfuckhghghghhhhhhhhfuckh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhshsffdfafaavdfuckhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhghgfuckhghghghghghghgh!


So, I whined to "someone" that I think I forgot everything I learned and her response was "really?" Talk about a reality check. Reality is okay I guess.

Good news: I am having a good hair day. Bad news: I don't know what I did to make it look so fabulous. Oh well.

agggghghfuckghhghghghghghghagfuckhghghghhhhhhhh
fuckhhhhhhahhhhahhhahahshsffdfaafaavdfuckhhhhhhh
hahhhahhahhghgfuckhghghghghghghgh!

After the Bar: eat, drink, and be merry. Plus I have to go see Spiderman, X-men, and Pirates of the Cari....

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!

Voyeur To Be

Okay, I have to keep everything in perspective, or I'm going to just DIE. As a lawyer, I wanted to be a part of team. A team that did innovative and exciting things. The image I pictured had me holding a map. The map had a legend that explained the (legal) system. The driver (and passengers) would be my client(s). The client was rather faceless. Wind whipped around our the round and smooth contour of our sportscar. The window was rolled down and we were driving up a winding road, or through green valleys full of jasmines, violets, and purple daisies. Smiling, concentrating, and sometimes just plain giggling at our scene. I used the map to navigate; tell my client where the speed traps lie, or where the bridge might be out, or when we could expect flat, copless, plains and drive as fast as we want -- you know legal stuff. (I have no idea what you're thinking.)

I have no idea what you're thinking. I saw my life. I would love going to work and my work wouldn't just be a job. Then, my reality, then I tried adjusting and adapting.

Then it came to me. Lawyers are paper pushing voyeurs. As a lawyer, I had to accept that about my profession. I did accept that perception of my reality. Quickly, I began to feel oppressed. The papers in my office became unruly and like the average American's waistline they began to expand. My two-window pane office began to topple in on itself from the bulge. The map had to be destroyed. I needed to tell a different story of being. (My story involves crackhead neighbors, winos, a father in prison, and big boobs. In my story I know cheese, Napa, which side is counsels' bar, and inner beauty.)

Now I'm on this weird kind of pathless journey. Will I be brave enough? Will I express or find my version of the truth? Will I be one of those people who will fall for everything because I had no 10-year plan or tangible assets to speak of? Will I remember the binding effect of comfort and comfortable? Will I find love and accept it? Will I listen to my inner voice? Will I keep my ego at bay? Will I grow spiritually, and have fun along the way? Oh, god, yes.

I'm Still Here

I'm stuck studying for the CA Bar. I chose this path. Met lots of fun people so far. Had some good s*x too. But now, yuck, yuck, yuck. My attitude sucks.

I had a break through though (again). I forget sometime that I'm American, a member of one of the highest educated groups in the world, and so blessed to be here. To be me includes so many obstacles, yet I wouldn't be me, here, but for those opportunities to grow.