Voyeur To Be

Okay, I have to keep everything in perspective, or I'm going to just DIE. As a lawyer, I wanted to be a part of team. A team that did innovative and exciting things. The image I pictured had me holding a map. The map had a legend that explained the (legal) system. The driver (and passengers) would be my client(s). The client was rather faceless. Wind whipped around our the round and smooth contour of our sportscar. The window was rolled down and we were driving up a winding road, or through green valleys full of jasmines, violets, and purple daisies. Smiling, concentrating, and sometimes just plain giggling at our scene. I used the map to navigate; tell my client where the speed traps lie, or where the bridge might be out, or when we could expect flat, copless, plains and drive as fast as we want -- you know legal stuff. (I have no idea what you're thinking.)

I have no idea what you're thinking. I saw my life. I would love going to work and my work wouldn't just be a job. Then, my reality, then I tried adjusting and adapting.

Then it came to me. Lawyers are paper pushing voyeurs. As a lawyer, I had to accept that about my profession. I did accept that perception of my reality. Quickly, I began to feel oppressed. The papers in my office became unruly and like the average American's waistline they began to expand. My two-window pane office began to topple in on itself from the bulge. The map had to be destroyed. I needed to tell a different story of being. (My story involves crackhead neighbors, winos, a father in prison, and big boobs. In my story I know cheese, Napa, which side is counsels' bar, and inner beauty.)

Now I'm on this weird kind of pathless journey. Will I be brave enough? Will I express or find my version of the truth? Will I be one of those people who will fall for everything because I had no 10-year plan or tangible assets to speak of? Will I remember the binding effect of comfort and comfortable? Will I find love and accept it? Will I listen to my inner voice? Will I keep my ego at bay? Will I grow spiritually, and have fun along the way? Oh, god, yes.