Chronicles of a "Boomeranger"

My friend told me he read an article about people in their mid 20s-30s moving back home with their parents. I guess there is a trend. I didn't read the article. I live the article. Actually, I have it pretty easy, especially in terms of cost. When I first got here I was in denial regarding and enabled old familiar relationship patterns. Then I just wanted to sleep in my car.

The Mom has vacation coming up and I asked her where was she going to go. She hesitated and said, "well, I don't really want to leave you here by yourself." Leave me here? My outside voice asked, "are you kidding? I lived on my own for 14 years. What are you talking about? I don't even understand what you're saying." My mom just laughed.

We just got home from grocery shopping and I announced I had to go to the bathroom first. Part of me made the announcement, in part, so I can have first dibs on the bathroom. My mom asked, "which number?" I did a double take, got a crink in my neck, and almost ran into the wall. For a second the thought crossed my mind that I was ordering at McDonald's and maybe forgot or something. My mom saw the jacked up contorted expression on my face - laughed and said, "I don't know what I was thinking." Speechless.

So I got up to go to the bathroom without announcing my intention. The Mom sees me and asks, "where you going?" My inside voice thinks, "get out of my bladder." I say out loud, "do you mean which number?"

Actor Stuff Me

My Profile

My Photos

Did I mention I was recently casted in a comedy sketch? The Tres Stage Theatre located at 1523 N. La Brea, 2nd Floor on January 9, 16, 23, and 30.

At 8 pm.

Your Greasy Granny

I remember when I was a kid it was important to wish evil upon people who were mean to me. For example, a down right clever come back to any insult was to tell the person either (1) I know you are what am I; or the infamous (2) your momma, your daddy, your greasy granny got holes in her panties.

I felt it was completely appropriate because I could spell every word in either of those phrases. I was in 2nd grade; who cares.

This sudden feeling of being child like doesn't have anything to do with Christmas. Well, except, some evil asshole law firm just filed a motion that would require someone to work over the holidays. The response to the motion is due January 2, 2007. Lucky us we may have figured out away to ruin their --- lives. And yes if our strategy means taking grandma down, grandma's going down.

It feels good to be a tool for the man. Now, I'm going to drink some wine and think about what I can do to haunt my enemies' dreams. Don't worry I gotts my Federal Rule of Bankruptcy Procedure, Federal Civil Rules of Procedure, and Bankruptcy Rules.

You're going down.

I Figured Out Why the World Has Wars

Boys
Turn
to
Men
and
Rule
the
World.

Weak
Boys
Prevail
and
They
Rule
World
Some
Parts
of
the
World.

"I,"
Said
the
Boys,
Weak
and
Strong
Alike,
"Must
Make
Them
or
Him --
the
World
Really --
Pay."

Die,
Die,
Die.

The New Walk

Found motor skills
Arms reached out
Just go for it
When to leap forward
Stand and bounce
Do I feel alone
Like an island
Stuck with one anchor
Flying, flying, or just waving
Lunch grounds me

Then there was this photo (my friend Marie):

Some Poems

POEM 1

In the cabinets of my mind
Pull the scents until they flashy dash - brighter
I am a museum exhibit watching myself from the sofa
My perspective and I ask, “what would I do next”


POEM 2

In the giggles of my mind
Drink the sound
It’s happening right now
Wait, soon I will fly over the waters

I'm the girl stuck in traffic

The ART:
I did some background acting work for 3-4 weeks. I learned a lot and had fun too. Of course, I found books that describe and outline a career or SAG voucher expedition a la background acting. I also created a booklet that will help be organize bookings, auditions, submissions, etc.

I also got new headshots. Check me out at me, me, me, me.

I am writing an article for KC Stage, a performance art magazine in Kansas, Missouri Metropolitan Area. It's due in two days. Oh, I should do something boring. Yeah. No, it's exciting. I just need to organize it better.

And I have a new schedule for exercising and doing (sprint distance) triathlons.

The LAW:
Last weekend I was kind of sick. One of my friends called to laugh at me if I was at work. "No you're hanging out with me today," I yelled. We saw a guy hanging out venice beach and a sign laid next to him as he slept on the ground. The sign exclaimed, "friends don't let friends get jobs." Message from a prophet?

I'm thinking of holding up at venice beach too. maybe get a bowl, some artwork from some 2-weeks to being an artist course, and a sign taped to my bowl that reads "make your own change." I'm thinking a big rainbow colored umberella, a lounge chair, and books to read. My friend thinks it's a good idea, but then he started adding legal services to it and making me talk to people, real money, and well, he ruined a perfectly good idea.

Then this weekend, I got yelled at for working my temp legal job (it pays more than minimum wage) by friends and family. One of my girlfriends called me 5 times within 30 minutes and yelled at me to get my ass out of the office on Friday. I was in the office until 8 pm and the folks we were meeting were already drunk. Then my mom fuses at me today about being in the office on a Saturday and a Sunday. "Surely there can't be that much work to do," she says in her outside voice. "Sue me," I think.

Then one of my aunts ask me about "waiting" for the bar results. I'm living my life; I'm not waiting; I have two law licenses and people who will hire me for more than minimum hourly wages; I'm not waiting; I'm sitting in traffic (minimum of 20 minutes to pass the intersection of LaCienega and Rodeo); I'm not waiting. Twenty minutes (I have a good sense when it passes) later the same person tells me her daughter wants to be an actress, what a waste of education she says. I ask what subject her daughter's B.A. is in. Business and economic she says. I tell her it's not a waste, acting is a business and her degree will come in handy. Besides my cousin works at Banana Repubic, can we say "discount"?

Everybody just sue me.

Too Much Fun: DC, Baltimore, Lexington, Los Angeles, Vancouver, Portland, Tillamook, Coos Bay, Humboldt County, Berkeley, Santa Cruz, Los Angeles

I have had so much fun since the California Bar. It's hard to believe I went almost a whole month without blogging. I miss you.

Fresh ideas to make blogging easier:
1. computer nerds and brain surgeons figure out how to get my stories on to my blogger and myspace at a drop of a hat.

Recap:

1. Tubing with rugby players in Lexington, Virginia -

My favorite rugby players: Can we say I heard a lifetime worth of penis jokes. One of my favorite outfits was a guy wearing a t-shirt that read "I'm with stupid" and it had an arrow pointing to his crouch. my favorite accessory was a belt buckle the size of a tea cup saucer that had a beer bottle opener. I have another category, but, well, there was a guy who wore white see through shorts when we went tubing.

My favorite drink was Mobius, which is an infused energy beer (no hang over and you get some vitamins).

My favorite personal drunken moment: I spilled some non-Mobius beer on a guy's foot. Then I went to get some water so I could pour the water on his foot. I poured the water from an upright position and hit the grass only, so I kneeled to get closer to his foot and fell. As an aside, everyone else was a lot more drunk. We all laughed at my efforts.

My favorite sober moment: I moved my three-legged chair a little to my left to make room for someone to pull a chair in the group's circle. Well, I pulled the three-legged chair on an uneven parcel of land. I screamed like a girl in front of rugby players as the chair and I fell backwards. The embarassing part was how quiet the rugby players were for about a minute afterwards. Fast forward, I decided to get some red "magic" punch. I hadn't taken a sip. I moved the three-legged chair, sit down and, you got it, the chair falls, again. I didn't spill a single drop of red "magic" punch on my way down. The rugby players made fun of me. I didn't spill a single drop of red "magic" punch on my way down.

My favorite excuse for drinking: We played drinking games, in particular spoons. I had too much sun earlier that day and hadn't had an alcoholic beverage in about 6 hours. Everyone else was drunk, so I stopped playing because of my unfair advantage. Instead I just stood by and watched. My favorite penalty for losing was - rugby player has to run about six yards naked (no pants, but shirt optional) and girls had to either drink a full cup of beer or pour the beer on her croutch.

My favorite "it's a good idea at 4 a.m. drunken rugby player moment": fireworks in the camp fire.

Other good times: I had fun tubing, dancing to blue grass music, playing an air banjo, tubing, swinging from a rope into a river, learning to pitch and dismantle a tent, and meeting lots of great folks.

Thanks to my friend Marie for having a cousin that threw such an awesome party. Thanks to Marie's sister for transporation.

2. Mystics v. Sparks game in Washington, DC

3. Mary J. Blige Concert in Baltimore, Maryland

4. Visit with friends

5. Road trip to Vancouver, Washington and Portland, Oregon

At mile 71 I wondered if "we're there yet?" I was so startled (not swerve out of the lane startled, but more like double look, stare and thank god the road was straight startled) when I looked down at the odometer and saw "71". At 71 miles I'm not sure we were even out of Los Angeles County. My niece doesn't ask "that" question until 242 miles into the trip. I was shocked (not because it was a dumb question, but because she's 10; I felt like a loser). So I challenged my niece by asking her eighteen times in a row "that" question. She responded, "okay Auntie, I won't ask that question again." Deep inside I felt vindicated.

We drove a little over 2300 miles.

6. Drive from Tillamook, Oregon, along the Pacific Coast, to Los Angeles in four days with Niece

We drove a little over 2300 miles. One of the things I learned about myself is that I am officially more concerned about aliens from outer space than anything else, including the Taliban, the axis of evil, or where to purchase single serving size peanut butter.

7. Stop in beautiful places, including Coos Bay, Oregon; Berkeley, California (Go Bears!); and Santa Cruz, California

8. Register with another legal temp agency

9. Register with extra casting agency

Acting World:
I was on the set for "Close to Home" today. I was a municipal employee in the day and a ghost bride at night (Halloween scene). My bride's costume was cool. I did have some trouble with the veil and my hair though. But once I stopped trying to wear the veil like a yarmulke, little jewish hat (pronounced yamaka), I looked great. Honestly, I walked back to wardrobe with the veil in my hand and was sent to the hair stylist's trailer.

(Two minutes of my life wasted. For what? Who wears a bridal veil like a yarmulke? Who thinks of wearing a bridal veil like a yarmulke?)

Don't You Hate It When You're Too Sleepy to Stay Awake

I'm so sleepy that I started hallucinating. Earlier, the blinking green light on my cell phone suddenly turned into ants marching towards me until I focused and its a cell phone again. Right now, the television went from a dark scene to a light one and the rim of my eye glasses looked like a flying brown monkey. I'm wearing the eye glasses, so the monkey was kind of too close for comfort. The worse part is that I keep leering at these morphing objects to ensure that all is still the same.

We (the family I lived with in DC) went to a Sparks v. Mystics game tonight. It was a fun and exciting game. We did the wave five times. We were on the jumbotron. I cheered for both teams. Why is it that people, usually men, get so upset at sports that they aren't actually playing? This one guy turned five shades of red and two shades of purple. From his vantage point he was sure the referee did not see lots of fouls. The lady right behind me told her friend she thought he was going to have a heart attack. All the kids within three rows peered over shoulders and watched him rant. Some of the players faked fouls though. They seemed to deliberately get in the way of a running person and stop. As a spectators, we should all be happy when a win occurs period. The Mystics won. The other team did fancy exciting dribbling and shooting too. And we got to do the wave.

Playing Footsy with the Ocean

On the way to the beach this morning, I saw a lizard. It was the smallest lizard I'd ever seen. Don't get me wrong, it's rare that I happen to see a lizard. He was so cute and I wanted to chase him. Lizard Buddy made it clear that he was not having any of my notion of play. I was so surprised and pleased with his presence. I'm going to take that feeling with me to the California Bar. I will. I'll open the exam packet and remember my cute little Lizard Buddy.

Then, I went running on the beach. It seemed like I picked the perfect place to run. You know where the sand is firm from "some" exposure to water. Earlier my car indicated the outside tempature was 80 degrees and for 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning the cool ocean breeze felt perfect. Either I started running crooked, or the waves decided to play footsy with me.

Suddenly the ocean lapped over my feet, then ankles, next calves, and once across my knees. That perfect patch of firm sand shrank. My short little legs slowed at the thought of running on dry loose sand. Those waves, those waves rolled passed me and I struggled to maintain my balance. Sometimes it felt like I was running in place, so I lifted my knees higher and laughed. Laughing did wonders for my balance.

Link to Laughter, like drugs, tickles brain’s reward center: What happens in your brain when you find something funny?

Link to Laughter Maybe the Best Medicine

Salad Bar Exam

So, recently I remembered that I have already passed 2 bar exams (I have a 100% bar passage rate). (Dear G*d, why have I taken so many bar exams?) The bar exam is 75-90% mental gruel. I believe I'll pass. I also believe that my having a good day will not be dependent on me pass*ng or fa*ling the California Bar Exam (results are out on November 17th - birthday of an old, old, old, old friend). I will just do like Mariah and shake it off -- either way.

Will I go on a limb and even say, I would be surprised if I didn't pass? I think I will.

For the record, I believe in the tooth fairy and that I can fly. I also believe in channeling the energy of the Dalai Lama and bugs bunny during sticky situations. I went skydiving, for example, took the second step off the wing of the airplane and thought, "bugs bunny was wrong the first step isn't a doozy." I had planned on saying hi mom or geronimo, but ...

Pour Me, Pour Me Another Glass of ...

The issue is whether I ruined by life by failing to go outside this week. The California Bar is next week, Tuesday through Thursday, and I convinced myself that I should spend most of my time indoors studying. I exercised indoors. I also day dreamt a lot this week indoors. Today, I drove my car for the first time in about five or seven days. It was a dizzying experience. The lights blinded me and the lines separating the lanes dashed all over the place. I came home and did some more multistate questions.

I'm so excited that the bar exam will be next week. So excited.

Bar Related Souvenirs


18 hours of Bar Exam (Lunch after first 3 hours on each day):

Day 1 - Tuesday
3 essays in 3 hours
1 Performance Test in 3 hours

Day 2 - Wednesday
200 Multistate Questions in 6 hours

Day 3 - Thursday
3 essays in 3 hours
1 performance test in 3 hours

***************************** They say we'll be done by 5 pm each day. *********** We have to be in our respective seats and ready to rock 'n roll by 8:40 a.m. ******************

Thursday night: it'll be over (my mom wants me to watch all the stuff I dvr'ed, um, okay)
Friday: dancing on a table at some bar (old friends I haven't seen since high school and around the way)
Saturday: ??? (new friend)
Sunday: Brunch and dancing on the beach (old friend I haven't seen since well last month)
Tuesday: DC (old friends I haven't seen since law school)

This Posting May Make You Skinnier

Courtesy a la Marie S. (no stealing)

Should the first thing be common sense or is that assumed or assuming too much

I remember when I was in kindergarden my teacher, Ms. Snow, would ask us to put our thinking caps on our head. There was a whole ritual of taking it out of your pocket, unfold it, put it on, snap the chin strap -- then unsnap the chin strap, take it off, put it in your pocket, and when you get home, she reminded us, don't forget to put your thinking cap under your pillow. It was my religion.

Until one day, I forgot to take my thinking cap from under my pillow and put it in my pocket. I got to school, realized my grave mistake, and freaked out. Could other people tell? I tried maintaining my composure until I got answers. May be I left my thinking cap in my desk. I shuffled the papers around and found nothing but papers -- no thinking cap. Would I get into trouble? Did Ms. Snow have a spare thinking cap? This had never happened before, so, I raised my hand. By this point, my breathing had gotten labored and it caused my whole body to oscillate. Finally, Ms. Snow looked in my direction and said, "yes." "I forgot my thinking cap under my pillow," I cried. Unable to hold back my shame and the tears flowed. "Me too," admitted another student and another and another.


Acceptable materials to have at the California Bar:

1.The examination materials distributed
2. Pencils or pens
3. Silent analog watches, timers and
clocks not measuring larger than
4"X4" inches or smaller
4. Rulers
5. Paper clips
6. Highlighters
7. Back Support
8. Up to two pillows without cases
9. One book stand
10. One foot rest
11. Splints
12. Braces
13. Inhalers
14. Crutches
15. W heelchairs
16. Casts
17. Hearing aids
18. TENS Units
19. Eyeglasses
20. Ear plugs or plastic material normally
associated with the sport of swimming
21. Feminine hygiene items
22. Medicine
23. Wallets

Operation "The Bar": I'm Sitting for the California Bar Exam, Really

Agggghghfuckghhghghghghghghgfuckhghghghhhhhhhhfuckh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhshsffdfafaavdfuckhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhghgfuckhghghghghghghgh!


So, I whined to "someone" that I think I forgot everything I learned and her response was "really?" Talk about a reality check. Reality is okay I guess.

Good news: I am having a good hair day. Bad news: I don't know what I did to make it look so fabulous. Oh well.

agggghghfuckghhghghghghghghagfuckhghghghhhhhhhh
fuckhhhhhhahhhhahhhahahshsffdfaafaavdfuckhhhhhhh
hahhhahhahhghgfuckhghghghghghghgh!

After the Bar: eat, drink, and be merry. Plus I have to go see Spiderman, X-men, and Pirates of the Cari....

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!

Voyeur To Be

Okay, I have to keep everything in perspective, or I'm going to just DIE. As a lawyer, I wanted to be a part of team. A team that did innovative and exciting things. The image I pictured had me holding a map. The map had a legend that explained the (legal) system. The driver (and passengers) would be my client(s). The client was rather faceless. Wind whipped around our the round and smooth contour of our sportscar. The window was rolled down and we were driving up a winding road, or through green valleys full of jasmines, violets, and purple daisies. Smiling, concentrating, and sometimes just plain giggling at our scene. I used the map to navigate; tell my client where the speed traps lie, or where the bridge might be out, or when we could expect flat, copless, plains and drive as fast as we want -- you know legal stuff. (I have no idea what you're thinking.)

I have no idea what you're thinking. I saw my life. I would love going to work and my work wouldn't just be a job. Then, my reality, then I tried adjusting and adapting.

Then it came to me. Lawyers are paper pushing voyeurs. As a lawyer, I had to accept that about my profession. I did accept that perception of my reality. Quickly, I began to feel oppressed. The papers in my office became unruly and like the average American's waistline they began to expand. My two-window pane office began to topple in on itself from the bulge. The map had to be destroyed. I needed to tell a different story of being. (My story involves crackhead neighbors, winos, a father in prison, and big boobs. In my story I know cheese, Napa, which side is counsels' bar, and inner beauty.)

Now I'm on this weird kind of pathless journey. Will I be brave enough? Will I express or find my version of the truth? Will I be one of those people who will fall for everything because I had no 10-year plan or tangible assets to speak of? Will I remember the binding effect of comfort and comfortable? Will I find love and accept it? Will I listen to my inner voice? Will I keep my ego at bay? Will I grow spiritually, and have fun along the way? Oh, god, yes.