Tape and Cat's Paws

So, I'm cat-sitting for my friend's cat. Cat has not seen a human for three, four days. Friend warned me that Cat hisses like an evil possessed alien infested being. Friend says Cat will probably be friendly on account of being left home alone. Well, Cat was super friendly. She snaked her body around my ankles, meowed, and caressed her tail against my left leg. All good faith gestures, right? I speak motherease to Cat. Give Cat treats and fresh water. And now, I'm Cat's victim.

Cat mauled the back of my leg. My first thought, is to wrap tape around Cat's paws -- all four of them. I quickly regained my composure and realized that I would have to sedate or figure someway to tie Cat up with out being mauled again. Foiled again. I have no idea where "Friend" keeps his good drugs or rope.

I had a book ("Reading Lolita in Tehran") and was going to hang out with Cat; give Cat treats. But I feel so violated. I have opposable thumbs for crying out loud. As blood dribbled down my right calf I feel my cheeks burn. The tape idea might work. I literally and figuratively gave Cat the evil eye. And you know what Cat did? She meows. A sweet sounding needy meow. So I give her both of my evil eyes. Cat is oblivious to my pain, to my method of chastising her and begins rubbing against my legs again. What the hell?

How do you cat people put up with this crap? Any suggestions, short of say using approved American sanctioned torture methods.